>cooking isn't art

Anon's Gaijin Gyuudon

Ingredients:

2 onions

1-1.5 lb beef, thin sliced

4 cups of beef broth or dashi

2 tbsp of sake

2 tbsp of mirin

8 tbsp of soy sauce

5 tbsp of sugar

a large chunk of ginger root

beni shouga or gari

white rice

green tea leaves

1) Chop the onions into strips and/or chunks. We want this big enough that they retain their mass when we cook them so don't make them too thin.

2) Combine the onions and broth/dashi into a pot, we will come back to this.

3) Combine the sake, mirin, soy sauce, and sugar into a mixing bowl

4) grate the ginger

5) bring the pot's contents to a boil and let cook for about 4 minutes

6) add the sake mixture and let cook for 3-4 more minutes

7) add the ginger then the beef and give it a good stir, let cook until the beef is brown

8) reduce the temperature to a simmer

Now we will prepare our side dish and drink.

Take your rice and wash the fuck out of it. Put it in the rice cooker with some water and press the on button.

Heat some water to 175-200 degrees, pour it into a teapot, add green tea leaves and let seep for about 4 minutes. Remove the tea leaves afterward.

To serve:

Put the rice in a bowl, add meat, onions, and spoon some broth over it. Garnish with beni shouga or gari. Pour a cup of tea and enjoy.

I didn't expect recipes in this booru, but this is a nice surprise.

So I made a huge mistake since my rice isn't labeled and apparently my little sister had gotten into my Japanese short grain rice and moved shit around, so I ended up accidentally using Indian medium grain rice instead of Japanese short grain rice, and my sushi refused to stick together. I tried to make the best of the situation and make little lumps of rice on top of the inariage as a sort of "deconstructed inarizushi" but I finally gave up and just plopped my vinegar-bonito-sesame-hemp infused rice on top of the fried/seasoned tofu that I cut too thick anyways. I used wild-caught tilapia that a friend had given me, so while it was very delicious, the two pieces hardly fit into the palm of my hand once cooked, and I believe the recipe I based it on wanted me to utilize regular farm-fed variety that are much larger. I'll post the recipe tomorrow, but I admit defeat. The Kitsune Udon was fine other than settling for traditional pink kamaboko because I couldn't locate narutomaki surimi in the grocery store. I plan to redeem myself next weekend by preparing Eggs Benedict-Don Fit For A Queen from Shokugeki no Soma as an apology for this travesty. Dishonor on me, dishonor on my family, dishonor on my cow…

Kitsune Udon, Seared Japanese-style Tilapia, and Grapefruit Suntory Highball

This is a simple, but nutritious and hearty meal that anon can prepare with
relative ease. The goal is something that tastes distinctly “Japanese” while
also allowing anon to make it from the comfort of his own home. This recipe
makes roughly 3-5 meals depending on one's voraciousness and portion
sizes. Both the udon and tilapia can be refrigerated and reheated (by
stovetop or microwave) for later consumption, or can even be frozen in a
container to make a TV dinner for later use (please consume within a month
or so of freezing).

Tools you'll need:
1 metal pan capable of holding ~1.5-2 quarts of liquid (~1.5-2 liters)
1 large pot, dutch oven, etc. capable of holding 2+ gallons of liquid (~8+ liters)
1 Seasoned cast iron pan (you can use the dutch oven for this, alternatively you can use a solid metal
pan, but it must get VERY HOT so you CAN NOT use anything with a coating!!!)
A pasta strainer (colander) capable of fitting in your sink
A ladle
A wooden spoon
A knife
Ziplock freezer bags or tupperware (the freezer bags are thicker. Just trust me on this one and use those.)
Plating/Silverware
1 Highball glass

Ingredients:

For the Fish Marinade
¼ cup (60ml) of coconut aminos (soy sauce may be used but will be less sweet)
(coconut aminos are basically soy
sauce substitute made from coconut nectar and are good for completing the protein chains of brown rice, beans, etc. to make a more complete protein)
¼ cup (60ml) of sake (dry white wine may be used)
¼ cup (60ml) of mirin (dry sherry mixed with a pinch of sugar may be used)
1 Tablespoon (15ml) of Agave Syrup (sugar may be used)
2 Tablespoons (10g) of ginger paste (grated giner is probably better)
1 Pinch or roughly 1/8th of a teaspoon of MSG (Monosodium Glutamate) (Not required)

For the Fish
4 filets
(Make the marinade the same even if you only cook 2 pieces, reduce by half for 1 piece of fish)
Avocado Oil
(EVOO or Extra Virgin Coconut may be used- do not use rapeseed oil or soybean oil you nigger. Butter will
burn so do not use that.)
Iodized Salt
Fresh-ground pepper
Lemon Slice
(if you want to garnish it/provide a palatte cleanser)

For the Inariage (Double recipe for every 4-8 additional pieces of aburaage)
4-8 pieces of Aburaage (recipe below for anons who wish to attempt to make it)
¾ cup dashi stock (recipe below for anons who don't want to use instant pellets)
2 Tablespoons (~30 grams) of sugar
1 Tablespoon (15ml) of coconut aminos (can use soy sauce)
1 Tablespoon (15ml) of mirin (can use dry sherry mixed with sugar)

For the Completed Soup
5 cups of dashi stock (recipe below since dashi stock is non-negotiable if you're even trying to make
this properly)
3 Tablespoons (45ml) of mirin
2 Tablespoons (30ml) of coconut aminos (can use soy sauce)
¼ Teaspoon of MSG (optional)
Salt to taste
Narutomaki Fish Cake (Can use the more commonly found Kamaboko fish cakes but they won't be as aesthetically pleasing) (Can use imitation crab as a substitute- information on this below)
Inariage
Udon
Scallions (to taste)

For the Udon Noodles
3 “ribbons” of dry Udon Noodles (about 12oz/350 grams) (can use frozen, refrigerated, etc. udon
noodles) (You can substitute in WHOLE WHEAT linguini noodles, but they will be chewier than traditional udon noodles)
Clean tap water (for those without access to clean tap water, roughly 8-12 quarts or 8-12 liters of water)

For the Grapefruit Suntory Highball
1 Bottle of (chilled) Japanese whiskey (I recommend Suntory Toki since it's a good mid-tier Japanese
whiskey that won't break the bank at roughly $30-$50 depending on location)
For quick chilling, there are two reccomended methods: Put it in an ice bath after swirling the water, or wrap it in a damp paper towel and stick in the freezer for 10 minutes (Warning: repeat usage of the second method will ruin the whiskey's flavour profile)
1 lemon or some lemon juice
4 square ice cubes
1 can of grapefruit highball energy drink (alternatively 1 bottle of sparkling MINERAL water) (it's just carbonated water w/grapefruit essential oil and the standard energy drink mixture of caffeine/taurine/niacin/etc.)

(Just buy your shit on amazon if you don't have an asian market near your house or if the asian market is run by a bunch of chinks)

For preparing the Inariage:
Advice: Do this the night before and reheat it the next day
1)
Mix all the ingredients in the pot/pan you're gonna make your udon noodles in
2)
Take the aburaage (see below for how to make Aburaage) and toss it into the pot/pan
3)
Bring to a boil
4)
Reduce to a heavy simmer
5)
Put a lid on it
6)
Check it every 10-15 minutes
7)
When the liquid has more or less boiled off or an hour has passed, take it off the heat
8)
If making more than one batch, leave a very small gap for steam to escape from in order to concentrate the flavor
9)
Let it sit for an hour or so
10)
Squeeze the inariage above the pot/pan to remove the juices
11)
Throw it in a bag/container and toss it in the fridge if not immediately using (otherwise toss it
on a plate for future use)
12)
The leftover juices can either be added to your udon broth (throw in extra dashi, maybe a cup or so for every batch made in order to balance out the sweetness) or thrown out
13)
Use it in your kitsune udon when ready


For preparing the soup:
1)
Pull out your fish cakes the day before if they're frozen (otherwise pull out of the fridge right before you start cooking so they're closer to room temperature when you add them)
2)
Cook the udon noodles according to the instructions on the packaging (for dry noodles: bring the water to a roiling boil on the highest heat setting, pour in the noodles, bring it to boil on the highest heat settings again, then lower the heat to a simmer for 13 or so minutes)
3)
Drain the noodles into a colander under very hot water
4)
Rinse the pot in very hot water and empty this on top of noodles, set “cooled” pot on stove or
heat-resistant surface
5)
Reduce the water temperature to warm and then the coldest you can very rapidly (for those without access to clean tap water, prepare the noodles the night before and put them in the fridge after draining as much water out as possible)
6)
Place the colander on top of the pot to drain the now-cold noodles while you make the dashi
7)
Prepare your dashi (how to make dashi below)
8)
Throw in the mirin, coconut aminos, MSG (optional), and salt
9)
Bring to a very mild simmer, than reduce heat to low (you only want to keep it warm at this point- the broth is done!)
10)
Start preparing to sear the fish at this time.
11)
Get mad at your word processor for adding an unremovable tab to your typing for some stupid fucking reason unless you make it 12 point font
12)
Warm through your inariage at this time if it's cool/cold (you can place it inside the pan you're heating up to cook your fish)
13)
Chop the Narutomaki/Kamaboko into thin slices since the broth will be heating them (if using imitation crab, chunks or “legs,” simply unravel the whitefish and then cut it into chopstick-pickupable strips, squares, triangles, etc.)
14)
Chop up scallions (chives or green onions will work, leeks are too big)
15)
Place noodles by hand/tongs into a bowl
16)
Place 2-3 pieces of inariage on the corners of the bowl (two triangle-shaped pieces will look like fox ears)
17)
In another corner, place sliced surimi (Narutomaki/Kamaboko/Imitation Crab)
18)
Ladle in just enough broth to submerge the udon noodles
19)
Garnish with chopped scallions to taste
20)
Enjoy!


For preparing the fish:
1)
Thaw out your fish if it's frozen
2)
Combine all the ingredients of the marinade into the smaller pan.
3)
Bring to a low boil over medium-high heat (about a 6-8/10 depending on your stovetop)
4)
As soon as it begins boiling, the alcohol has cooked off and the ingredients have combined. Take it off the heat!
5)
Let it cool to room temperature (or a little over)
6)
Place fish filets in either a ziplock bag or a container of choice
7)
Pour the entire contents of the marinade in with the fish
8)
If using a ziplock bag, double-bag it to prevent accidental leakage (I recommend ziplock bags because otherwise you have to occasionally turn/rotate the fish in a flat container)
9)
Let the fish marinate in the fridge overnight (you can do it for just 4 hours, but overnight is reccomended, do not marinate for more than 24 hours or it will start to dissolve the fish)
10)
The next day, after preparing your broth, begin to heat the cast iron pan on a stovetop with oil already added to coat the bottom of the pan (unless reheating inariage, in which case reheat the inariage BEFORE adding oil)
11)
You want it hot enough that water causes splash damage when it hits the surface, but not hot enough for the oil to start smoking
12)
Carefully add your filets to the pan (warning: they will cause splash damage when they hit the surface)
13)
Sear on both sides until fish is cooked through (unless you're using a fish like tuna steak in
which case sear it for 10 seconds on both sides)
14)
You can either pour the marinade down the drain, or re-boil it to sterilize it/add sugar to turn it into a syrup/glaze and then use it as a sort of ginger sweet sauce for a different recipe of your choosing (such as tonkatsu)
15)
When fish is cooked through, quickly plate it (suggestion: on a small bed of rice or with
inarizushi)
16)
Cut fish into strips if eating with chopsticks
17)
Enjoy!


For the Grapefruit Suntory Highball:
1)
Coat the bottom of the glass in lemon juice
2)
Add 2 ice cubes
3)
Add whiskey until the ice cubes just barely start to float
4)
Swirl this mixture around to even out the temperature of everything
5)
Add the other two ice cubes
6)
Slowly pour the sparkling Grapefruit Highball Energy Drink down the side of the glass to avoidover-bubbling/direct contact with the ice
7)
Alternatively if you want something refreshing but not bitter/caffeinated, use sparkling mineral
water
8)
Fill to the top of the glass
9)
Enjoy quickly (as it will lose carbonation quickly) but in moderation (depending on how anon pours, it will be about the equivalent of 1.5-2 shots of whiskey)
10)
This method can be used with any colored liquor to taste test it, as it will bring out the flavor ofthe liquor while removing the bitterness/burn if mineral water is used.

"Help! I want to make homemade aburaage!"
What you need for Aburaage:
CLEAN frying oil
Firm tofu
A knife
A colander
Something to drain oil on
Something to deep fry oil in
Something to boil water in
1)
Buy some blocks of firm tofu (NOT extra firm) and do this the night before while preparing the marinade unless you have several hours to babysit them
2)
Drain excess liquid, then wrap the tofu block in a CLEAN towel
3)
Press the tofu between two wooden cutting boards (I used two cast iron pans, but the resulting tofu was too dense so don't do that) for roughly 1.5-2 hours
4)
Cut the tofu into 1cm-thick strips (~2/5ths of an inch) that are roughly 5cm (2 inches) long at their longest point (triangles look like fox ears and are the easier way to cut the tofu, but rectangles are easier to stuff
5)
Heat up frying oil in a pot/pan (I recommend either vegetable oil or peanut oil- the oil must be clean. Peanut oil will make the tofu have a slightly “burnt” taste but in a good/nutty way).
6)
Frying oil must be CLEAN because the tofu will act like a filter and absorb EVERYTHING if it's not!
7)
Advice is to make tempura or some other deep fried dish for dinner that night after making the aburaage
8)
The oil should bubble if you dip a wet toothpick or chopstick in it, but should not be smoking
9)
Throw in the slices of tofu one at a time
10)
By one at a time I mean you're only gonna want to have maybe two or three pieces floating at any given time because they'll want to “glue” themselves back together in the oil
11)
Let them turn golden brown (about a minute or two after they rise to the surface, they'll stay “white” until you physically pluck them out of the oil, so you might want to make miniature slices for the first few to get a feel for it before making the real deal)
12)
Pull them out and drain the excess oil on a grill rack or paper towels
13)
When all of them are fried, take the coolest ones on the bottom and re-fry them a second time
for about 1-2 minutes
14)
This will give them a more brown color and enhance the texture
15)
Drain off the excess oil and then stick them in your colander
16)
Turn your sink on hot and let it run for a minute until it's just damn about steaming hot
17)
Boil as large of a thing of water as you can manage to carry with two hands (you want to bring it to a roiling boil)
18)
Place the colander in the sink under the scalding-hot water
19)
Pour the boiling water over the fried tofu until virtually no traces of oil remain (this process is called “blanching”)
20)
You now have Aburaage. It should either be tasteless or have a mild but pleasant “burnt” taste to it, and be almost virtually free of oil.


"Help! I want to make Dashi from scratch!"
What you need:
2 Pots/Pans
Fine mesh sieve
2”x5” (5cmx12cm) strip of Kombu
1½ cups (350ml/360g) Katsuobushi (dried bonito flakes)
2½ cups (~600ml) of Clean water (this is one of the few times you can use distilled/deionized water in cooking since it will electrically rip the minerals out of the kombu making for a more nutrient-rich stock, note if you do that though, the kombu will be empty calories if you planned to use it for rice seasoning or the like)
1)
Place the kombu and water in a glass or pot for minimum 30 minutes (reccomended 3 hours if you have the time, soaking isn't required but will enhance the flavor)
2)
Pour the kombu-water mixture into a pot/pan
3)
Slowly bring to a boil over medium-low heat (this will take a while, this is intentional)
4)
Before boiling (when you see bubbles forming), pull out the kombu. Otherwise your dashi will be slimy/bitter and you don't want that. At this point you've made vegetarian dashi. You can eat the kombu, use it to make rice seasoning (just look it up), etc. Or you can just throw it away, but that's a very un-Japanese thing to do.
5)
Add the bonito flakes to the pot/pan
6)
Bring to a boil again
7)
Reduce heat and simmer for 15 seconds
8)
Yes, you read that correctly; seconds.
9)
Strain the dashi through the fine mesh sieveThe wet bonito flakes can be used to make rice seasoning, eaten, fed to your cat/dog, or thrown out. My cat loves them, and once it's cooked, most of the salt has been removed from the bonito so I pat-dry the flakes/let them air-dry for 30 minutes, and then give it to him as a wet food treat. It's just protein and maybe some kombu remnants, after all.
10)
You now have dashi broth. Either use it, throw it in the fridge for a couple days, or put it in the freezer since it keeps for like a month or so.

My goddamn heart

wew

It all went downhill from here.

Where did it all go wrong.

Fucking Good NTR Dutch Oven Beef Stroganoff

Ingredients:
Beef (ground or cubed)
Mushrooms (traditionally cremini, as long as they're “white” inside, any will work. I used
buttons, oyster mushrooms, & shiitake)
Egg Noodles
(You want a 1:2 ratio of beef to mushrooms, and about a 1:2 ratio of beef/mushrooms to
noodles)
Thyme
(Italian) Parsley
Mustard (Dijon, can use brown)
Beef Broth (I used Pho broth because it was all I had)
$6 White Wine (you will use 1/3rd of the bottle, I recommend sauvignon blanc but any cheap white wine THAT IS NOT FUCKING SHITTY COOKING WINE will work)
Flour
Worchesteshire Sauce (pronounce it the British way you nigger)
Garlic
Onion
SOUR CREAM
MSG (MonoSodium Glutamate)
Pepper(?)
Butter (and maybe oil, otherwise add more butter/lard)
Marmite/Vegemite (super secret ingredient for every beef dish)

Tools:
1 Dutch Oven
1 Wooden Spoon
Paper Towels
Tasting spoon
Plate or bowl
A ladle
A kitchen knife (TL:anon forgot to mention this item)
A cutting board (optional, and also not mentioned in op)

what do?
1.
Rinse your onions in cold water and cut off the ends, peel off the outer layer.
2.
Cut them in half and lay flat.
3.
Cut them long-ways into strips
4.
Cut them the other direction until diced (never use fingers against the blade- keep your knuckles against the blade so you don't cut yourself like some edgy fuck). I used a second purple onion because I like onions, but one small/half of a medium-sized onion is all you need.
5.
Rinse your fucking mushrooms so you aren't eating cow feces, the number one ingredient in American mushroom fertilizer (if they get water logged just cook them longer).
8.
Add Secret Ingredient #1 (Marmite/Vegemite) for beefy/umami goodness.
9.
Stir really good with wooden spoon.
10.
Go throw your laundry in the washing machine.
11.
If not brown, let the mushrooms turn tan/brown.
12.
Throw in beef, & thyme (get fresh thyme you nigger- if you pull it with the leaves, 90% of the leaves will come off the stem, don't cook the stem you fucking faggot).
13.
Remember that you needed to add garlic & 1/8
th
of a teaspoon of MSG to your
mixture.
14.
Brown the beef.
15.
Throw in flour and brown it for a minute.
16.
Turn the heat on very low but not off if you have a gas stove so you don't have to
relight it.
17.
Run out to your truck in shorts/a tanktop and sheepskin slippers because you realized your wine aunt stole your wine opener but you have a pocket knife with a corkscrew out there.
18.
Fiddle with the shitty aluminum cap on the cheap white wine.
19.
Uncork the white wine (twist the corkscrew in until it's deep, pull up with all your might with the bottle between your thighs to keep it from falling on the ground orshooting wine halfway across the room).
20.
Add about 1/4th of a cup of white wine to the dish.
21.
Remember you turned down the temperature, ramp that fucker up to medium-high again.
22.
Say fuck it and add 1/3rd of the bottle so you don't end up like your wino aunt since the bottle will oxidize and turn bad in about 3-4 days anyways.
23.
Stir the fuck out of it and collect all that brown goodness off the bottom of the dutch oven/mix it in.
24.
Throw in mustard, worchesteshire sauce, and thyme (if you forgot to add it earlier like a big baka).
25.
Toss a bag of egg noodles into the dish (DRY EGG NOODLES- THIS IS ONE POT DISH!)
26.
Go ahead and throw in your (pho) “beef broth” at this time (I only had pho on hand and dry bullion, fuck off)
27.
>Adding Tomato to your Beef Stroganoff
(Seriously don't fucking do this you idiot)
28.
This doesn't count.
29.
Turn heat on high and bring to a mild boil, stirring occasionally.
30.
Turn heat down until it's simmering.
31.
Put the lid on it, you idiot. Set the timer for like 10 minutes on your phone or oven clock.
32.
Sit back and have a tall glass of white wine while pretending you aren't as bad as a wine aunt (with nothing on your stomach it'll be extra fun).
33.
Let the timer go off for a minute or so pissing off everyone in the household.
34.
Fuck! Realize you added too much liquid to the fucking dish!
35.
Turn heat to low.
36.
Quickly correct this with a mixture of flour and brown gravy mix (brown gravy mix is 90% flour with some other stuff mixed in- it adds flava).
37.
“Add ½ a cup of sour cream and stir until warm.”
38.
Say “fuck it” and add the entire tin of 5 day expired sour cream to the mix.
39.
Realize the mixture is still fucking scalding hot despite adding cold-ass sour cream.
40.
Turn off the heat.
41.
Put your clothes in the drying machine to give it a second to cool down.
42.
Go ahead and take a shower too because you're a filthy HikkiNEET who needs to bathe, in order to properly enjoy this meal, damn it.
43.
Ladle it into an appropriate bowl.
44.
I said appropriate, not a paper bowl you trailer park trash!
45.
Oh well. It's too late. You ruined the asthetic anyways.
46.
Garnish it with the Italian Parsley (this adds a distinct flavour when munched on).
47.
Toast a piece of two of sourdough bread to serve with it (sourdough bread recipe not included). I had some leftover homemade cheesy bread so I just served it with that.
48.
Eat the meat with whatever remains of the bottle of wine.
49.
Put the leftovers into portioned containers and freeze 90% of them for lunch the next few weeks, only eating it the following 2 days.
50.
You now know how to cook NTR One-Pot Stroganoff. Learn how to not burn rice now you fucking faggot.

>Sauvignon Blanc
>California
Hon hon hon